dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
