can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
