My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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