Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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