READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Randomize
