She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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