So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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