Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Randomize
