so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
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