I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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