Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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