That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
