sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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