I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I'm jealous of your bromance
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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