I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
