He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
