saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
