This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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