today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
