In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
