I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
