what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
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