i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
