apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
