dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
