I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
