This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
