I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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