i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
time to smoke my breakfast
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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