I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Randomize
