Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
My ATM looks so different sober.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
