Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
