I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
