NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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