I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
