New low: just hacked my moms facebook
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Randomize
