Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
