Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
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