toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
