birth control should be required to get into college
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
