We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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