I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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