Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
