Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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