wakey wakey hands off snakey
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
she peed on how many people?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
