Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
