He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
