Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
