I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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