When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
