I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
