just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
