i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize