my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
