I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
