Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
