i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Randomize
