I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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