who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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