Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
