if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
