i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
