Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
