the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
