she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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