non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
