I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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