I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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