It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
