Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
