I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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