im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
People in love make me want to vomit
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
